Monday, January 8, 2007

Someone Else's Needs

I'm in a place in my life when everyone needs something from me.

Since I broke up with my ex, FRU has needed me more than ever. She no longer wants to sleep at anyone' s house (she used to have sleepovers at my parents' house and my aunt's house quite frequently) and wants no one else to put her in her car seat, to fold her laundry or make her PB&J sandwiches. I don't mind these tasks. I feel that it's part of my job as her mother to try to help her understand the confusing world we live in and to help her navigate through it..

But it seems that everyone else in the world needs something from me. Family, friends, co-workers. I have to be the one to make phone calls to unpleasant relatives, I have to be the one who has to figure how to make ends meet, I have to be the one who has to remember to bring the blanket to day care.

I need to be the one who gets taken care of once in a while. It would be nice to feel cherished. It would be great if I could finish a sentence before someone cuts me off. I'd love to be able to watch a movie all the way through without having to pause it for any reason.

I want everyone in my life to just do whatever it is that needs to be done without asking me any questions and without my assistance.

Oh wait, tonight I get a break. Someone else is picking up FRU at school and giving her dinner...BECAUSE I NEED TO GO TO THE DENTIST...what kind of break is that? It's a pathetic one...I'm actually looking forward to going to the dentist just so I can get some alone time. I can drive with the radio on MY station and can sing at the top of my lungs if I want. That's my alone time...big whoop...

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