Thursday, January 13, 2011

You See The Craziest Stuff In Family Court

For reasons I'd rather not explain at the moment, I had to appear in Family Court the other day.

And the best thing I can say about the experience of going to Family Court is that all those freak-ass-freaks who also had to appear that day made me look so freakin' normal.

Let me explain:
  • There was the attorney who was dressed in a beautiful 3-piece suit and shiny black loafers...with a sweatband on his head. I guess he forgot to remove it after his morning workout.
  • There was the woman wearing the rattiest-looking sweats I'd ever seen AND false eyelashes, that in my mind's eye, were about 2 inches long. Why take the time to skillfully and carefully apply false lashes yet not bother to wear decent clothes?
  • This one's my favorite: There was a woman with "FUCK YOU" tattooed around the outer curve of her left eye. So, it won't matter who she makes eye contact with, she's saying, "FUCK YOU!" 
I wore a black cotton turtleneck sweater, plain black dress pants and black leather boots and I was thinking that perhaps the magistrate would think I was too "edgy." Too bad The Fuck You Lady was appearing in front of another magistrate, because then my magistrate probably would have thought I looked rather "nun-like."