Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Movin' On...

I began the process of moving on with my life in July of 2006, when I ended my eight year marriage.

If I only knew then what I know now...

That action began a journey of self-discovery that astounds me almost every day. I have more respect from my family and friends and, most importantly, I have more self respect.

Life isn't meant to be lived in the shadows. It's meant to be dealt with head-on. That's how you get to life your fullest life. Attack problems with positive energy and the results will be so bright, they'll almost blind you.

I am a better mother, a better daughter, a better friend, a better employee...all because I learned to be honest with myself. I thought I was kidding everyone, but those who love me most saw right through me, and they knew I was full of shit. But now, I have a "Take No Enemies" mentality. I will help anyone who wants help and will guide anyone who wants guidance. I will no longer expend my precious energy on anyone who isn't willing to expend their own energy on themselves. I will no longer be held responsible for anyone's happiness. Everyone is responsible for themselves. One needs to do whatever will make them happy, but that person must accept the consequences of his/her actions.

I found my backbone in the last 7 months. I try to fill my life with light and grace. I meditate on things that trouble me. I stop and put the focus on myself when I need it. I see the joy in all of life's little gifts. I concentrate on what I want rather that what I don't want.

I don't carry around any emotional baggage. I don't let anyone push me around anymore, I don't let anyone reduce my self worth or self esteem, and I don't carry grudges for people who try to do these things to me.

I move away from the toxicity...and move on...

Thursday, February 8, 2007

De-Cluttering Your Life

I swear, I just love Oprah. Sure, she's got bazillions of dollars to spend on real estate and jewelry and clothes and shoes, but she knows about the hard life too. As I recall, she grew up dirt poor in Mississippi, was abused and was told she's never amount to anything.

And just now look at her; she's at the pinnacle of her career. In all her wealth and power, she finds ways to relate to the American Woman.

Yesterday's episode was about de-cluttering your home and in turn, de-cluttering your life. They spotlighted this family of 6, who had more stuff than I thought possible. 18 year old sweatpants, every toy their daughters ever had, and they're oldest (twins) are 9. Oprah got this organizational guru to go into their home and get rid of the crap. And what the couple didn't realize is that they were putting their focus on all the wrong things; all the things that they might need one day. It was an amazing transformation, watching this mother realizing why she was saving all this stuff.

I did a purge 6 months ago when my ex moved out. He liked to save things: sale circulars, clothes he knew full well he would never wear again, old shoes that were worn out. Our home was constantly covered in papers, I just couldn't keep on top of the mess so I fed into it.

Well, once he was gone, I filled 3 or 4 garbage bags with stuff that I was never going to use. I just chucked it all. I went through my closet and gave away all the clothes that didn't fit or that I hadn't worn in a year; looking back, I probably got rid of half my wardrobe. I went into my daughter's room and filled a garbage bag of stuffed animals that she's never touched let alone played with. I gave away clothes, toys, baby equipment...tons of stuff.

I felt so much better when I was done.

I told a girlfriend that I was doing all this deep cleaning and she responded, "No, honey, you're not cleaning, you're cleansing."

Wow, it was an a-ha moment. She was absolutely right. I was sweeping all the bad energy out of my home to make way for good, positive energy.

That realization gave me the strength to go into my nemesis room, the 3rd bedroom that was supposed to my my home office. It became a walk-in closet, full of books, boxes and clothes. It was like that for 3 years. I went in there with a vengeance and got rid of even more stuff, most of it being true garbage so I kicked it to the curb.

My home and my life are nowhere near perfect. I still have dust under my living room sofa, I still have blank walls where I'd like to hang pictures, and I still don't have bedroom curtains. But my aura and my feng shui is straighter that it's been in a really long time and even if it's a little off center, it's ok. I'm not striving for perfection, I don't believe perfection exists. I'm just trying to make my home into a haven, a safe place, a soft place to fall...

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Learning to Deal...

If it's one thing I've learned in the last few years, it's that you must deal with issues as soon as you're able. You can't keep sweeping stuff under the rug, otherwise, when you least expect it, you'll trip over the lump onthe floor and fall on your face.

Someone who used to be close to me learned that lesson yesterday. This person is in serious financial trouble because the issues were ignored.

Difficulties (financial, emotional, physical, spiritual) need to be addressed.

I learned this lesson the hard way. I ignored my emotional being for about 10 years. I ate to suppress all that was ugly; I used food as a coping mechanism. Then I had gastric bypass and I HAD to learn to cope; food couldn't be my friend anymore. I taught myself to meditate. I'm not sure if I'm doing it correctly, but whatever I'm doing works for me. I rediscovered my love of cooking and started to prepare foods that truly nourished me, body and soul. I started venturing out on walks again. Taking a hot bath on a Saturday night with a good book and an icy margarita can also soothe the soul. Learning to appreciate all the little things came with all of these other lessons.

For me, this era of my life feels like a do-over. You remember, when the ball went out of bounds when you were a kid and we all shouted, "DO-OVER!!"

I gave myself the gift of a second chance at being an adult. This time I am a single mom, but much more self-assured. I don't have as much money, but realized that shopping shouldn't be a hobby. I've learned that getting up and going to work day after day, year after year is one of the hardest things you have to do. I've realized that no one is responsible for my happiness but me. I've come to the conclusion that the line from Jerry Maguire that says, "You complete me..." does a huge disservice to those who are comfortable in their own skin. I'm complete all by mahverahownself.

Life is hard enough; why not deal with whatever issues you having and then move on with a clear head?