Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Enjoying My Life As It It Right Now...

I'm learning to handle being alone. Please don't confuse it with loneliness; I'm not lonely, just alone. I wanted this and believe me, I'm not complaining about it. But my life has changed in the last 6 months like I never thought it would. I don't think I have gone out once on a Saturday night since my marriage ended, but I'm not all that upset about it. I'm doing the things I want to do: eating the the restaurants where I want to eat, seeing the movies I want to see, I'm knitting without any snide comments, I read in bed with the light on and I keep hand lotion on almost every flat surface of my apartment.

FRU and I had a nice weekend together. I took her shopping with me, we played a few board games, watched a few movies (actually, we watched the same movie over and over...ok, she watched the same movie over and over and I napped), we made marshmallow rice crispie treats...we simply did fun stuff, without any schedules. She even tried a new food on Saturday. I had heated up a bowl of leftover lo mein and she asked for some. I was shocked; she has eaten nothing but chicken nuggets and PB&J with no crusts for months now. I gladly shared my lunch and lo and behold, she liked it. So much so that when I asked her what she wanted for dinner last night, she said "That Chinese spaghetti stuff." She ended up having chicken nuggets, and got a promise that I'd get her some lo mein the next time I ordered take-out.

As I was watching the Golden Globe Awards last night, I got to thinking...Life is Good. It's that simple. I know so many people who are having troubles right now, but life is on a pretty even keel for me right now. I have a routine, and I don't freak out when that routine is disrupted. I am enjoying the simple things right now and I'm appreciating them more then ever. When I shut the light off the other night and finished saying my prayers, it warmed my heart that I didn't say any for me. I prayed for those who need them, but I didn't say any for me. I said my thanks for my strength, my health and my beautiful child...but I didn't ask God for anything.

Anything I need I can do or get for myself. It took me an awful long time to get to this place in my life, but I'm liking the scenery and I think I'll stay here a while.

1 comment:

Libby said...

BB, I'm reading! I'm reading! :0)
You sound so content, I wanted to give you a hug after reading this. What a wonderful place you're in right now. It's like you're "In the Meantime" (borrowing from Iyanla VanZant) learning to love yourself alone and be grateful for what you have - thanks for helping me learn this, to remind me how important it is to live grateful.