Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Making Headway with my Head

Getting my act together is one of the hardest tasks I've ever had to perform. Life seems to get in the way of the best intentions.

I'm working on a complex, very detail oriented project at work right now and I'm mourning the loss of my great aunt, who passed away on Sunday morning in Alabama. My dear grandmother won't be able to go to her sister's funeral and I know that will take an emotional toll on her. There's also the divorce and child support stuff to deal with as well as the day-to-day details.

In years past, I would have gone to the supermarket or the McDonald's drive thru, then gone home, then gone to pieces. I used food as a crutch, as a friend and as a drug.

After my gastric bypass, I can't do that any longer. I must deal with each issue of my life as it arises and I'm getting better at it. It's still a pain in the ass and I wish very often that I could escape, but if it's one lesson I've learned over the last two years, it's that I can't escape.

I helped a friend through a difficult situation last week. She did something she wasn't proud of and needed to talk about it. I didn't judge her, it's really not up to me to judge anyone, but she didn't want to think of the situation's cause. There was a specific reason she did what she did. And once she made that connection, the whole thing became easier to deal with. She called me a few days later to thank me for not letting her wallow in the outcome.

This is how I've chosen to live with the rest of my life. If I ignore situations, or try to escape them, they grow and fester and become much, MUCH bigger than they were originally. They start to overwhelm me and there's simply no room in my complicated life right now for overwhelming situations.

On a lighter note, I think I'm ready to start dating again. I even have my eyes set on someone, but, of course, I haven't seen him since I decided it would be a good idea to have coffee with him. Who knows what will happen, but I guess the bigger point to get across is that I think I've healed enough to entertain the idea of companionship again. My ex will always be a part of my life by virtue of us having a child together, but that doesn't mean that I can't share my time with someone.

So, in essence, what I'm trying to say is that life is good. It's trying, it's busy, it's complicated...but it's bright and happy and good...

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