Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I'm helping? Really?

Two friends in as many weeks say that my positivity is helping them, that they're gaining something from it. I was shocked both times. This is notoriously a tough time of year for me. I'm crazy busy with The Kid's activities and this is a nutty time at work too. I'm too tired to expend lots of thought or energy on anything frivolous. But, there's always time for sharing something that works for me, someone else might be able to use the same thought or prayer or process to help themselves along a little bit.

It's not that I'm not happy. Generally, I am a happy person. I do sometimes get mired down in financial worries, or work-related stress, or answering The Kid's seemingly never-ending questions, but for the most part, being happy feels better than the alternative.

I have had a few dark moments: just today, I got paid, I paid my bills and I balanced my checkbook. I actually broke out in a cold sweat. I'm not broke, but I'm not wealthy. All the bills got paid, one even got paid 3 weeks ahead of schedule, but there's not a whole lot left over. Then there's the time when someone asked me what I was so tired about. My eyes crossed with anger and then with exasperation. Seriously? You need an explanation?!?  Ex doesn't take The Kid overnight all that often so I haven't had a weekend off in over 2 months, I do all the household chores, make all the decisions, work full-time, volunteer with The Kid's Girl Scout Troop, and have to keep a happy face on. You'd be tired too, but would you be as content as me? I doubt it.

As John Lennon once wrote, "Life is what happens when you're making other plans." Life can be bright and life can be dark. Sometimes it's shaded. Ok, enough metaphors. Honestly, I just want The Kid to grow up happy. I want to save a little money so I won't have to work until I'm 94. I want to wear clothes that don't look like they came from Good Will (although the top I have on now is from Good Will and I love it!). Although I like to cook, sometimes I want to eat Chinese take-out from the cartons and not get any grief about it.

We need to find that stuff that makes us happy and stick with that. For me, a major part of being happy is keeping in touch using Facebook. I'm lucky to have friends scattered across the US and a few in Europe that I converse with on an almost every-day basis. These people carry me through the dark times and on occasion, have unknowingly pointed to the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes, I only have enough in me to stare at that little twinkle. Other days, I'm doing the Snoopy Dance, pointing it out to others.

We all need to help one another out. We need not carry the burdens of someone else without rest, we need not apologize for our own feelings or beliefs, but we must help one another find that little light.

This little light of mine...I'm gonna let it shine...

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