Friday, October 1, 2010

Working It Out

I'm in the middle of some ugly emotional chaos and I have to keep it together in front of a very intuitive 8 year old. The kid seems to know when I'm sad or in turmoil and responds by getting cuddly or letting me nap or refilling my water bottle for me.

She senses what others feel. For example, my mom had MAJOR dental surgery last week and when we got home, the kid went to get her Grandma an afghan to keep her warm and offered to rub her feet. So, it's hard to keep things from her. You don't have to verbalize what you're feeling, because she feels it too.

The emotional crap I'm wading through has to do with her father, my ex-husband.

He seems hell-bent on making things as difficult as possible, not just for me, but for the kid. That's what really gets to me the most. He never learned that the biggest part of being a parent is accepting that nothing will ever be just about's ALWAYS about the kid.

I learned that lesson the moment they put her in my arms. I knew that nothing would ever be the same. Nothing would ever be straight-forward. Nothing would ever be all about me ever again.

I'm trying to do the right thing and work it out, be the better person. It's hard to try to do the right thing and be the better person when I'm already sure that I've done the right thing all along and that I am the better parent.

But I get credit for at least trying to work it out, right?


AmyZ1974 said...

You have such a great daughter! It's wonderful she is so caring and looks after others when they need it. Thinking of you!

Alyson Mahon said...

Of course you're a great person and a wonderful parent. All you have to do is look at how wonderfully sensitive and caring your daughter is.

And yes, you get credit for trying. ;-)