Tuesday, September 21, 2010

They're Coming Out Of The Woodwork...

My ex-boyfriends, that's what's coming out of the woodwork. I wish winning lottery tickets were coming out of the woodwork, but alas, I don't have that kind of luck.

About 3 weeks ago, I was in Dunkin Donuts, buying myself a Strawberry Coolatta (ahhh, icy liquid candy, that stuff is!!) and I had my sunglasses on. Thank heavens, because when I turned around away from the counter, I saw A, the first of my 2 boyfriends that I had when I was in college. This is not a person I want to see, so I pretended not to see A. Yeah, I know it was immature, but then again, I did have a Coolatta in my hand, so I couldn't necessarily be seen as mature.

A wasn't a bad guy, just not the one for me. He was 7 years older than I was, with a shady past. He served hard time, but I won't go into details about what. He was ready to get married. I know this because I heard him tell one of his friends, "Well, since she's an only child, her parents will pay for the wedding, so I guess that means I'll have to pay for the engagement party."


Not cool. I moved on. And never regretted it...not ever, not once.

Then: Last Thursday, I'm driving home from my mother's retirement party and as I happened to glance to the side, there he was, T, the 2nd of my college boyfriends. The one who showed me that men really can love women. The one I fell for waaaaaay before he fell for me. The one that when my mother found out we broke up, she was so freakin' angry. Honestly, the woman still hasn't forgiven me.

T was also a lot older than me, 6 years. He was getting serious and I was only 21. I didn't know what "getting serious" really meant. I broke T's heart...and broke my own in the process. Many years later, about 2 years ago in fact, I wondered what it would have been like being married to T instead of to the Ex. Very different. Difficult, sure, I'm a strong believer in the fact that all marriages are difficult. But I think I would have been happier. But, of course, I'll never know.

We talked for the length of a red light. He said he wasn't on Facebook so I told him to join so we could talk. It's been 5 days and so far, no T.

Wait, folks, it gets better.

Friday, I ran into P, the one person with whom I've had a relationship since my divorce. I was paying for a sandwich and he got in line behind me. I nearly passed out when I saw him. Not because I missed him or even because I got nostalgic. It was because in the 18 months since we broke up, P lost a tooth. One of the front teeth. I mean, seriously. I'm a little fanatical about oral hygiene, but since I've only recently gotten over my deep-seeded fear of the dentist, I can totally understand the fear. But, as a 30-something, one should not be losing teeth; one should be doing whatever it takes to keep the teeth you have healthy. And if you do have the misfortune to lose one, particularly one in the front, get the damn thing replaced.

He asked me out 4 times in 10 minutes and finally I just had to walk away from him. I'm usually not in the business of calling men pathetic, but P's behavior was just that. We broke up because he had a ridiculously twisted co-dependence with his ex-wife. I want someone in my life who has his priorities in the right places: Children first, then the rest of his family, then me, then, in a distant 20th or 30th place, the needs and wants of an ex-spouse. Since his ex came before me, I took a hike. P's been trying to fix that mistake for 18 months. I just can't. There's that saying...Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. I'm not going to be fooled by that fool twice.

Seeing these 3 men in such a small period of time makes me wonder if the universe is trying to send me a sign or a message. Honestly, my mind and emotions are so scrambled right now, I couldn't see a sign or read a message if it were handed to me in plain English. There is so much going on in my life right now; both good and bad.

There are soccer games, birthday parties, all-day visits to friends' houses, movies to watch, books to read, cuddles to share and a really cool dog to walk. I enjoy seeing my friends get what they want and I know they will rejoice when they see me get what I want. There's also lots of ugly and nasty stuff going on, but I'm choosing to find and focus on the joy.

These 3 men and all others will have to wait a bit longer to be acknowledged. A dear friend of mine is on a 90 day Man Diet. My Man Diet has been going on for almost 2 years now. I miss being touched, being held, the passion, the soaring heat, the comfort...but now is not the time for me. That's the only message I've gotten lately that's coming in loud and clear, so that's the one I've got to bank on.

1 comment:

Sandyp99 said...

I think the message that God's sending you is knowing that the past is the past. Let go so that your hands are open for all the blessings yet to come. :D