I was cruising the 'Net one day in February 2005 when I decided to google an author whose books I really enjoyed. Rebecca Wells wrote The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood and Little Altars Everywhere. These books tell the stories of four women, starting from when they were 4 years old until they are grandmothers, with lots of sassiness and love in between. The stories are about mothers and daughters, boyfriends, women and their husbands and parents, but mostly it was about their friendship.
Anyway, I learned on that fateful day that Ms. Wells was about to come out with a new book, Ya Yas in Bloom. As I looked on the page for a release date, I saw a tab called Gumbo Ya Ya. I was curious, so I clicked.
WOW!!
I entered the message board devoted to Ya Ya and learned that there were members/posters from every state in the Union, Canada, New Zealand, Australia, England, and all over Europe too.
Within a month of my joining the board, I saw a "Shout-Out" with several members names, including my own. MY VERY FIRST SHOUT-OUT!! To make a long story short, this is the group that I travel with every year, the group that carried me through my surgery and my divorce; the ones that make me laugh till I wept and tell me get over myself when I'm wallowing in self-pity. I met them in Atlanta in August of 2005, in Montana in August of 2006 and in Pittsburgh in June of 2007. They are all coming, hopefully, to Brooklyn for New Years.
There's also another whole group of women (and a few men) who have been so important to me. They too prayed for me when I was in the hospital after complications from my gastric bypass. They rejoiced when FRU learned to read and even sent her books to practice (I'll never forget that kindness, JC!!). They wanted to know if I had met anyone special and told me to forget the losers.
In turn, I got to rejoice in babies being born. I prayed for the ill. I sent out good job search vibes. I got about a million recipes (Ya Ya's love to cook, you see). I got fashion advice. I gave make-up advice. I saw beautiful wedding pictures. I heard of a love story that started on Gumbo with ended with two people completely devoted to one another that they give me hope.
And perhaps the greatest lesson I learned at Gumbo is about gratitude. There's a special section where one can list the things that they are grateful for on any given day. I have been grateful for many things...but always for the love in my life. I am thankful that I have many kinds of love in my life and I give many kinds of love. "Love, in all its forms" has become my standard closing. Everyday, I post my gratitude and every night, when I pray, I thank God for love, in all its forms.
We had our dust-ups, but I prefer to not dwell on that now.
And now it's over. The publisher of the Ya Ya books is closing down Gumbo Ya Ya, effective April 21. I swear, I feel like the rug has been yanked out from under me. This is what the last week of summer camp felt like. You want to make the best of it, but you can't help but be sad.
It's the end of an era for me. I have other places to post, many have the same close friends. But it won't be the same. It's like when you move and you have to put furniture in different rooms and it never had the same feel. It will be comfortable, just different.
I had a little over 3 great years on Gumbo. I can't complain, I suppose I would have like it to go on, but alas, it can't.
Will the last one out turn the light off?
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
Keep on Smiling!
I got this motto from a man I dated for a short while.
He has some major league issues with work, family and the physical distance between us and decided to contact me, after a few weeks, to tell me this.
Ummm, ok...
He wasn't hurtful, just a little clueless. I guess he was looking for some closure; I hope he feels better. I emotionally moved on from him after the vague message he sent on Easter Sunday telling me he was going to be away on business and wasn't going to have Internet access. Did he lose my number? Will his boss not allow him to make any calls? Will his clients dominate every hour of the whole trip? The answer to all three questions is "no." And that's when I stopped thinking about spending any more time with him.
But I will use his advice...and Keep on Smiling!! It's what I do best. I get bogged down in life's details sometimes, but it's how we handle those details that defines us.
I have managed to carve out a very happy life for myself. I have a wonderful healthy child, a family that loves me ferociously, a relatively decent working relationship with my ex-husband, a good job with security and great friends.
I also have enough respect for myself to not settle.
Life is hard enough without adding more to a plate that's already spilling over. I respect that man for wanting closure, but I just hope that he can be more honest with himself in the future.
He has some major league issues with work, family and the physical distance between us and decided to contact me, after a few weeks, to tell me this.
Ummm, ok...
He wasn't hurtful, just a little clueless. I guess he was looking for some closure; I hope he feels better. I emotionally moved on from him after the vague message he sent on Easter Sunday telling me he was going to be away on business and wasn't going to have Internet access. Did he lose my number? Will his boss not allow him to make any calls? Will his clients dominate every hour of the whole trip? The answer to all three questions is "no." And that's when I stopped thinking about spending any more time with him.
But I will use his advice...and Keep on Smiling!! It's what I do best. I get bogged down in life's details sometimes, but it's how we handle those details that defines us.
I have managed to carve out a very happy life for myself. I have a wonderful healthy child, a family that loves me ferociously, a relatively decent working relationship with my ex-husband, a good job with security and great friends.
I also have enough respect for myself to not settle.
Life is hard enough without adding more to a plate that's already spilling over. I respect that man for wanting closure, but I just hope that he can be more honest with himself in the future.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Being Straight-Forward
Why is it so hard to be straight-forward nowadays?
Why can't a friend or co-worker or potential love interest or family member just say what on their mind or ask you what they really want to ask?
Why is everyone so afraid of having their feelings hurt? Or hurting the feelings of others?
A few months ago, I was emailing this guy and things weren't working for him. He emailed me and told me that he wasn't feeling "it" and decided to move on. And believe it or not folks, I wasn't hurt. I was happy that he was honest with me and risked hurting my feelings by telling me the truth. I have a lot a respect for him, wherever he may be.
I've always been rather open with my life and my experiences. There are certain things I won't tell anyone for years and years, but I think we all have those deep dark secrets. Starting friendships with people who aren't forthcoming at all is what irritates me. Sharing the stories that have no depth or that don't tell me about who really are or feel don't count as stories; they count as time-fillers, also known as fluff.
We aren't made of rock, people, others shouldn't have to get a hammer and chisel to get to the real you. If you want new friends, you're going to have to tell a few stories/secrets. It may be painful but think of it this way...if you make a new friend, then they'll help carry the burden of what you've told them and if they turn out to not be a friend, then it really doesn't matter.
Why can't a friend or co-worker or potential love interest or family member just say what on their mind or ask you what they really want to ask?
Why is everyone so afraid of having their feelings hurt? Or hurting the feelings of others?
A few months ago, I was emailing this guy and things weren't working for him. He emailed me and told me that he wasn't feeling "it" and decided to move on. And believe it or not folks, I wasn't hurt. I was happy that he was honest with me and risked hurting my feelings by telling me the truth. I have a lot a respect for him, wherever he may be.
I've always been rather open with my life and my experiences. There are certain things I won't tell anyone for years and years, but I think we all have those deep dark secrets. Starting friendships with people who aren't forthcoming at all is what irritates me. Sharing the stories that have no depth or that don't tell me about who really are or feel don't count as stories; they count as time-fillers, also known as fluff.
We aren't made of rock, people, others shouldn't have to get a hammer and chisel to get to the real you. If you want new friends, you're going to have to tell a few stories/secrets. It may be painful but think of it this way...if you make a new friend, then they'll help carry the burden of what you've told them and if they turn out to not be a friend, then it really doesn't matter.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
The Common Cold
I am now suffering from what the Guinness Book of World Records calls the most common illness in humans. I feel, and look, and sound, like I've been run over by a Mack truck. I swear, I just want to take to my bed and stay there for a week. Everyone I know has had some kind of illness this winter and I really thought I was going to get off scot-free. I figured that since I made it to March, I was golden. HA, that's what I get for being cocky!
But I went to work today. I got a lot of work done for our re accreditation. This is the most irritating, thankless part of my job description. I hate dealing with academic issues. I'd much rather deal with patients and insurance and co-payments...I know, I'm weird.
I have this friend at work who has an even more thankless job than I do. She does scut work for many members of the department and somehow is always smiling and helpful. She makes me laugh and we've struck up a nice work friendship. Sometimes I wonder how she does it, but I suppose she's like me. She has no choice. We both need to work. And don't get me wrong, I like my job, I just wish it was more fun. If I could figure out a way to make a great living playing with lipstick and shoes all day, I'd be one happy camper!!
And folks, that's all I've got for you today. My nose is dripping like a 3 year old who's been playing in the snow for a few hours and I can no longer breathe out of my left nostril.
I'm off to bed...wishing you all health...whatever you do, don't catch a cold until after Easter...
But I went to work today. I got a lot of work done for our re accreditation. This is the most irritating, thankless part of my job description. I hate dealing with academic issues. I'd much rather deal with patients and insurance and co-payments...I know, I'm weird.
I have this friend at work who has an even more thankless job than I do. She does scut work for many members of the department and somehow is always smiling and helpful. She makes me laugh and we've struck up a nice work friendship. Sometimes I wonder how she does it, but I suppose she's like me. She has no choice. We both need to work. And don't get me wrong, I like my job, I just wish it was more fun. If I could figure out a way to make a great living playing with lipstick and shoes all day, I'd be one happy camper!!
And folks, that's all I've got for you today. My nose is dripping like a 3 year old who's been playing in the snow for a few hours and I can no longer breathe out of my left nostril.
I'm off to bed...wishing you all health...whatever you do, don't catch a cold until after Easter...
Friday, March 14, 2008
Blessed Are The Limber...
...for they never get bent out of shape.
I read this quote on the web somewhere today and it really spoke to me.
I'm in the middle of a very busy time at work. The unit I'm attached to is preparing the paperwork for the reaccreditation process. The hospital as a whole is expecting a team of inspectors to arrive any minute. My friend/co-worker is about to give birth and is soooo uncomfortable. I haven't been away from work for more than a long weekend since last June. Most of my co-workers are aggravating the heck outta me lately.
As I reread that paragraph, I got disgusted with myself. I work in a hospital, for Pete's sake!! The patients we serve are, accordingly to the demographics, poor, foreign born, aren't well educated and of minority populations. Some of them actually have to choose whether to buy their medications or buy food.
But so many of these patients smile. They grin their toothy grins and wish me a good day. That's when I get the hell over myself.
I have choices and luxuries that so many of these people don't enjoy. I didn't feel like cooking tonight, so I went out for dinner with FRU and my parents. I stayed home for a year after FRU was born. I have good health insurance.
I read that quote at just the right time. I had my panties in a twist over...geez, I can't even remember now...and simply laughed to/at myself. I realized that I had to stop taking things at work so seriously. Please don't confuse it with not doing my job. I'm good at what I do and I like my boss...but I don't have to internalize things.
I need to be able to "bend" when the situation calls for it. I'm not Wonder Woman, I'm not going to solve every arguement and I'm not going to win every person over. As I get the rest of my life in order, I guess I need to let the work stuff go. There are certain things I can control and the rest of the things (which probably counts for 99%) is out of my control.
I read this quote on the web somewhere today and it really spoke to me.
I'm in the middle of a very busy time at work. The unit I'm attached to is preparing the paperwork for the reaccreditation process. The hospital as a whole is expecting a team of inspectors to arrive any minute. My friend/co-worker is about to give birth and is soooo uncomfortable. I haven't been away from work for more than a long weekend since last June. Most of my co-workers are aggravating the heck outta me lately.
As I reread that paragraph, I got disgusted with myself. I work in a hospital, for Pete's sake!! The patients we serve are, accordingly to the demographics, poor, foreign born, aren't well educated and of minority populations. Some of them actually have to choose whether to buy their medications or buy food.
But so many of these patients smile. They grin their toothy grins and wish me a good day. That's when I get the hell over myself.
I have choices and luxuries that so many of these people don't enjoy. I didn't feel like cooking tonight, so I went out for dinner with FRU and my parents. I stayed home for a year after FRU was born. I have good health insurance.
I read that quote at just the right time. I had my panties in a twist over...geez, I can't even remember now...and simply laughed to/at myself. I realized that I had to stop taking things at work so seriously. Please don't confuse it with not doing my job. I'm good at what I do and I like my boss...but I don't have to internalize things.
I need to be able to "bend" when the situation calls for it. I'm not Wonder Woman, I'm not going to solve every arguement and I'm not going to win every person over. As I get the rest of my life in order, I guess I need to let the work stuff go. There are certain things I can control and the rest of the things (which probably counts for 99%) is out of my control.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Why, Oh Why...
...do the irritating people of the world always get in the way of the people who actually get things done?
I work in a hospital run by New York State. The bureaucracy in this institution (and every pun is intended in this case) is enough to make me stark-raving mad most of the time.
Today was a perfect example. Someone called in sick so I had to scramble to get patients on the phone before they came for their appointments and The Apocalypse hit the unit in which I work. OK, maybe it wasn't the Apocalypse...a doorknob broke off...but in the name of all things holy, it certainly seemed like the sky was falling there for a while. It's a fuckin' doorknob, people, if the door is closed, you simply turn the knob, ask someone else to hold the door open and wheel the patient into the procedure room. What is so hard about this? I swear, this one co-worker obsessed about this dilemma for the better part of the morning while I, the senior level executive assistant performed mind-numbingly aggravating data entry.
If the GD door was supposed to be open all the time, they wouldn't have put the GD door there in the first GD place!!
OK, moving on. A very sweet man I've been chatting with on what is becoming an increasingly regular basis tells me to "Keep On Smiling!" I can't do that and complain about GD doorknobs, so I'm letting The Great GD Doorknob Disaster of 2008 go.
Now for an FRU update:
FRU spent the week with Ex last week while she was on winter break from school. Boy, that sent all three of us into a tailspin. FRU came back not nearly as filthy as I thought, but seemed to have developed an acute fear of teeth brushing and hair brushing. My daughter was a complete diva on February 17th when I dropped her off at her father's and she came back with her jeans hanging off her butt so her crack was showing like a plumber.
But she was happy, laughing like a loon and gave him the biggest, tightest hug when I picked her up to bring her home. This warmed my heart.
I've had a hard time getting it through Ex's rather thick head that he needs to be the one to cultivate a relationship with his daughter. I can't orchestrate that relationship. I am a firm believer that you can't make someone love someone else. The love (regardless if it's parental, friendly, romantic) has to been earned, nurtured and cherished. Since Ex's childhood was so tumultuous, I think he has a hard time simply allowing the love for his child flow through him. I think he's terrified of what it feels like. He's never really been on the receiving end of parental love. I can't relate to his experiences at all. I never doubted for one minute that I was loved, that I was cherished and that I belonged to several family units.
I'm hoping last week will act as the catalyst for them to form a family unit, just the two of them. Since we no longer form a unit of 3, FRU will belong to an alternate type of family unit. She'll thrive, she'll falter and she'll come back to center, just as I have done, and dare I say, like her father has finally done as well.
Navigating your way through this life and this world can be disheartening at times, but when you really think about it, what's the alternative? You cannot simply get over what happens in life, you must go through it. That's what makes things like The Great GD Doorknob Disaster of 2008 so GD ridiculous!!
I work in a hospital run by New York State. The bureaucracy in this institution (and every pun is intended in this case) is enough to make me stark-raving mad most of the time.
Today was a perfect example. Someone called in sick so I had to scramble to get patients on the phone before they came for their appointments and The Apocalypse hit the unit in which I work. OK, maybe it wasn't the Apocalypse...a doorknob broke off...but in the name of all things holy, it certainly seemed like the sky was falling there for a while. It's a fuckin' doorknob, people, if the door is closed, you simply turn the knob, ask someone else to hold the door open and wheel the patient into the procedure room. What is so hard about this? I swear, this one co-worker obsessed about this dilemma for the better part of the morning while I, the senior level executive assistant performed mind-numbingly aggravating data entry.
If the GD door was supposed to be open all the time, they wouldn't have put the GD door there in the first GD place!!
OK, moving on. A very sweet man I've been chatting with on what is becoming an increasingly regular basis tells me to "Keep On Smiling!" I can't do that and complain about GD doorknobs, so I'm letting The Great GD Doorknob Disaster of 2008 go.
Now for an FRU update:
FRU spent the week with Ex last week while she was on winter break from school. Boy, that sent all three of us into a tailspin. FRU came back not nearly as filthy as I thought, but seemed to have developed an acute fear of teeth brushing and hair brushing. My daughter was a complete diva on February 17th when I dropped her off at her father's and she came back with her jeans hanging off her butt so her crack was showing like a plumber.
But she was happy, laughing like a loon and gave him the biggest, tightest hug when I picked her up to bring her home. This warmed my heart.
I've had a hard time getting it through Ex's rather thick head that he needs to be the one to cultivate a relationship with his daughter. I can't orchestrate that relationship. I am a firm believer that you can't make someone love someone else. The love (regardless if it's parental, friendly, romantic) has to been earned, nurtured and cherished. Since Ex's childhood was so tumultuous, I think he has a hard time simply allowing the love for his child flow through him. I think he's terrified of what it feels like. He's never really been on the receiving end of parental love. I can't relate to his experiences at all. I never doubted for one minute that I was loved, that I was cherished and that I belonged to several family units.
I'm hoping last week will act as the catalyst for them to form a family unit, just the two of them. Since we no longer form a unit of 3, FRU will belong to an alternate type of family unit. She'll thrive, she'll falter and she'll come back to center, just as I have done, and dare I say, like her father has finally done as well.
Navigating your way through this life and this world can be disheartening at times, but when you really think about it, what's the alternative? You cannot simply get over what happens in life, you must go through it. That's what makes things like The Great GD Doorknob Disaster of 2008 so GD ridiculous!!
Monday, February 25, 2008
Meme from Leader of the Pack
I haven't posted in a while and since I'm too tired to think about it, I'm copping out. I have material to write about, but I'm not ready to share it just yet.
Read on, if you dare!!
What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was planning my wedding...and we all know how that turned out.
What were you doing 1 year ago?
Pretty much the same thing I did today: Went to work, went to an Al-Anon meeting
Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Chips
2. Crackers with PB
3. Popcorn
4. Hummus and pita chips
5. Lorna Doones
Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:
1. Scenes from and Italian Restaurant by Billy Joel
2. America from West Side Story
3. Every Little Thing She Does is Magic by The Police
4. Only The Good Die Young by Billy Joel
5. Finnegan's Wake, an Irish folk song
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Retire
2. Buy a house
3. Invest
4. Have the biggest Ya Ya gathering the world has ever seen
5. Go shopping
Five bad habits:
1. Drinking too much coffee
2. Procrastinating
3. Not planning what I'm going to eat
4. Obsessing over dumb stuff
5. Always having a cluttered dining room table
Five things you like doing:
1. Cooking
2. Reading
3. Playing with my kid
Read on, if you dare!!
What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was planning my wedding...and we all know how that turned out.
What were you doing 1 year ago?
Pretty much the same thing I did today: Went to work, went to an Al-Anon meeting
Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Chips
2. Crackers with PB
3. Popcorn
4. Hummus and pita chips
5. Lorna Doones
Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:
1. Scenes from and Italian Restaurant by Billy Joel
2. America from West Side Story
3. Every Little Thing She Does is Magic by The Police
4. Only The Good Die Young by Billy Joel
5. Finnegan's Wake, an Irish folk song
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Retire
2. Buy a house
3. Invest
4. Have the biggest Ya Ya gathering the world has ever seen
5. Go shopping
Five bad habits:
1. Drinking too much coffee
2. Procrastinating
3. Not planning what I'm going to eat
4. Obsessing over dumb stuff
5. Always having a cluttered dining room table
Five things you like doing:
1. Cooking
2. Reading
3. Playing with my kid
4. Going on walks
5. Going out to dinner
Five things you would never wear again:
1. Bandanas tied around my ankles
2. Scrunchies
3. A white bra under a white shirt
4. Ugly boots
5. Ugly jeans
Five favorite toys:
1. Computer
2. Cell phone
3. DVR
4. Corkscrew
5. Spellcheck
If you’re reading this, consider yourself tagged.
5. Going out to dinner
Five things you would never wear again:
1. Bandanas tied around my ankles
2. Scrunchies
3. A white bra under a white shirt
4. Ugly boots
5. Ugly jeans
Five favorite toys:
1. Computer
2. Cell phone
3. DVR
4. Corkscrew
5. Spellcheck
If you’re reading this, consider yourself tagged.
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